Horror’s Best Cryptkeepers and Graveyard Ghouls

As Cemetery Appreciation month comes to a close, this is the last weekend to enjoy spring flowers peeking out between the tombstones, but don’t worry, you can still enjoy these scary movies featuring the scariest cryptkeepers, creepy coroners, grave diggers, and murderous morticians all year round!

Horror’s Best Cryptkeepers and Graveyard Ghouls

12. Coroners Tommy and Austin from Autopsy of Jane Doe, 2016

Not all coroners in horror movies are bad people. Some just don’t know when to stop poking around in someone else’s cursed business, despite clear warnings to do so.

11. Ernie from Return of the Living Dead, 1985

Say what you want about Burt’s long-standing pal Ernie’s willingness to help destroy evidence that he started the zombie apocalypse, but any BFF willing to help you shoot the rabid weasels first instead of burning them alive in his crematorium and then fight off brain-eating zombies is a keeper!

10. Francesco Dellamorte from Cemetery Man, 1994

Fighting zombies and searching for love is full-time job for a Cemetery man with few friends. Between the stress of the job and losing the new love of his life, reality starts to slip for this lonely grave warden, who turns his attention to killing town locals instead.

9. Raymond of The Mortuary Assistant, 2025

Honestly, I haven’t finished this one yet, but setting up your morgue assistant to spend the rest of their life fighting demons is a pretty shitty thing to do, not to mention all the labor laws that were broken!

8. Leslie of Mortuary, 2005

By the time unsuspecting Leslie moves her family across the nation to take over as doomed mortician in a small town mortuary with cursed past history, the property had already been overrun by demonic forces. Poor lady had no chance, but there was no reason to torture her by showing off her lack of culinary skills.

7. Cryptkeeper from Tales of the Crypt, 1972

Dull but mysterious, this 1970s British very much alive Cryptkeeper helped a group of strangers get lost in the catacombs and showed them creepy visions of theirs death, only for them to figure out, they’re already home.

6. The Coroner from Play Dead, 2022

Word of advice, if you aren’t dead yet, don’t pretend to be so and get yourself locked up in the morgue. These places are a lot more secure than they look and besides, it’s not the dead who will be after you.

5. Montgomery Dark & Sam from The Mortuary Collection, 2019

Cunning Montgomery Dark is the second mortician on the list to post a help wanted sign in the window looking for a replacement. He weaved a web of spooky tales to ensnare his new protégé, but sinister Sam has a few secrets of her own.

4. Mortician William “JB” Bludworth from Final Destination series

Mysterious and a tad bit nilihilistic, Mr. Bludworth knows death, personally, but what he knows better than anyone is that there is no escaping death’s plan. Death always finds a way. 

3. Mr. Simms, Tales from the Hood, 1995

Three hoodlums find out the hard way that death ain’t not joke, when a creepy funeral owner leads them through the parlor and down to the caskets to retrieve their cursed contraband, but the patiently sinister Mr. Simms as it turns out, has been waiting for them for a very long time.

2. The Tall Man from Phantasm, 1979

Honestly, the Tall Man is the scariest cryptkeeper on this list, a once mild-mannered mortician has morphed into the one of horror’s most sinister inter-dimensional time-traveling supervillains, with his wicked flying spheres that cause violent death and destruction and creepy little minions to do his bidding. The Tall man is on a neverending quest to become the Lord of the Dead and this geriatric creep will stop at nothing to achieve his goals. Men, women, children, he’s out to collect the souls of every living creature on the planet and then some. With the ability to command legions of Hell’s undead, Death should just move over and give The Tall Man the title.

1. Cryptkeeper from Demon Knight, Bordello of Blood and Tales of the Crypt series, 1980-1990s

Across 93 episodes and two feature horror films, this legendary wisecracking teller of terrors is no mere narrator, he’s our demon guide through the depths of hell and is more than happy to show what death has in store for us. Based off the long-standing EC comics from the 1950s with same name, there is no smarter, spookier and funnier horror host than the Cryptkeeper. His wit and charm edged out the Tall Man to be named best of our list, but don’t think that means the Cryptkeeper isn’t a scary dude. With untold supernatural powers of his own, this undead ghoul has the ability to cause mortal danger to any boils and ghouls who haven’t  learned their moral lesson. Be kind and respectful of your fellow humans and the undead or you will spend an eternity in agonizing pain and misery.

Monthly Haiku Corner – May 2026

This month, we celebrate Cemetery Appreciation Month. 

http://www.halloweenhorrorhaiku.com

springtime lovers
chased through the cemetery
a grave just for you

Happy Walpurgisnacht 2026!

From Black Sunday’s vengeful Princess Asa Vajda, seeking retribution against the descendants of her treacherous brother to the ill-fated family in Hereditary, whose souls were already promised to a demon, witches come in many forms. Some are good, some are bad, and some are just really really angry.

The Wretched

There’s no order to today’s list, these witches are hangry, vengeful, spiteful, or all of the above! I loved the witches in every one of these movies. Many titles show up on previous horror movie lists I’ve made, but I have to point out two new film faves.

The first is Weapons and Amy Madigan’s Oscar winning role of Gladys, pure nightmare fuel, such brilliance. After the shock of realizing who the real villain in the story was, I was terrified every minute the red wigged clown face was on screen. I look forward to seeing more of her in upcoming Gladys sequel.

Oscar Winner Amy Madigan in Weapons, Warner Bros.

The other new movie is The Witch: Revenge, a low-budget indie horror from Ukraine, released in 2024 and set at the start of Putin’s invasion of Ukraine just two years prior, filmmakers actually collected uniforms of real Russian invaders and used them as costumes for their cast.  While the bad guys are wildly over the top and their dialogue is on the nose, it’s not a stretch to believe the Russian army is mindlessly raping and killing innocent civilians. It’s a moody, atmospheric witch movie, and while not exactly a rousing crowd pleaser,  these guys all deserved what was coming to them. This is a good little witch flick and it deserves more eyeballs.

The Witch: Revenge now showing on Tubi

13 witchy films you need to see right now!

Black Sunday (1960)
Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016)
Drag Me to Hell (2009)
The Conjuring (2013)
Gretel & Hansel (2020)
The Last Witch Hunter (2015)
The Witch: Revenge (2024)
Hellbender (2021)
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Suspiria (2023)
Hereditary (2018)
VVitch (2015)
Weapons (2025)

Remember, there’s no going back once you cross a vengeful witch. Madness, mayhem, death and destruction are coming your way.

Happy viewing! Stay safe out there!

8th Year Anniversary Blog

Happy 8th anniversary to me!

I cannot believe it’s been 8 years. I know, I haven’t been writing much in the last year. It’s been tough to find time, and honestly, to even feel creative some days, with so much negativity and uncertainty in the world. I hate what’s happening to our country and loathe the evil criminals in charge. Who needs scary movies when the real life horrors are neverending.

But, as I stated many times, this isn’t a political blog, it’s a Halloween blog, and a safe space for like-minded individuals. I just want to celebrate and share my love for Halloween, horror and all things spooky.

Save the earth! It’s the only planet with pumpkins!

My haiku comes straight out of my own little noggin. There’s no AI use here for my poetry or words. These poems, good and bad, are all mine and I’ve got receipts! I’m honestly a little scared about how AI might affect Halloween 2026. Sometimes it’s cool and sometimes it’s slop. At first, I gave it a chance, but I’m beginning to see the danger it poses, especially to the climate. So, I’ve decided to go AI free this Halloween season!

The one thing I’ve been slacking on this year is movie lists. If you’re looking for horror movie suggestions, I make lists that I’ve curated myself, meaning I spent hours watching and rewatching to see if I want to add said movie to my list. Last year was a banner year for horror and my own list of favorite horror movies has expanded. I’m gonna put a new spooky list up soon so check back!

Gladys from Zach Cregger’s Weapons played by Oscar winner Amy Madigan

I want to thank you for stopping by my little blog and giving your attention, time and energy. I hope you enjoyed reading my haiku and my old blog posts, some of which still hold up, like the one below:

6 More Things to Do When It’s not Halloween

Bring on more Halloween!

Monthly Haiku Corner – April 2026

April is the halfway point to Halloween! It’s also Earth Month. The easiest way to celebrate both is too plant new pumpkins for the upcoming Halloween season!

blue skies and white clouds
planting jack o lanterns
from seed to smile

Be safe out there.

Monthly Haiku Corner – March 2026

March has been a little rough, but I have a new haiku to share, celebrating both St. Patrick’s Day and the recent horror show that is the United States. Not everything that glitters is gold.

beware the trickster
whose only concern is gold
death is imminent

Be safe out there.

Monthly Haiku Corner – February 2026

This year, I’m returning to my roots and posting simple horror haiku.

snow moon, dark chaos

snow moon bears witness
murder, rape, and dark chaos
heartbroken fools

Monthly Haiku Corner – January 2026

This year, I’m returning to my roots and posting simple horror haiku.

ICE cold hands
shocking murder in plain sight
dead of winter

Happy New Year 2026!

Welcome January! Welcome back old friends and new guests! This is a safe place for people who love Halloween, Horror, and Haiku, unless you’re a nazi, bigot, religious fruitcake, scammer, and an otherwise intolerant hater. I hope this message is perfectly f’n clear. A country with such a huge lying govrmnent needs citizens who speak the truth.

As my blog enters its 8th year in existence, I find myself at a crossroads in continuing a minor blog that I cannot dedicate much time to and needing a outlet for my feelings and a place to fuel my creativity. I’ve decided the latter is more important in this current climate.

There will be no gimmicks this year however, no contests, no themes per say, just Halloween, horror, and haiku. I like to celebrate holidays, celebratory events, and significant days, particularly those pertaining to the Arts, so I will continue to do so with haiku.

I quit almost all social media except BlueSky and Pinterest, where I’ve got lots of cool boards to share. Please stop by! I also keep a Reddit page, but there’s no activity there. Happy to engage though!

I thank those who stop by and read my writings. There’s still freedom in America. It will be business as usual. So, channel your inner Lord of the Rings character and let’s make 2026 unforgettable!

Dickens Sundays – Ghost of Christmas Future

Every holiday season, I share the timeless words of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come, intriguing, mysterious, and downright the scariest ghost of all of literature, we don’t even need the Ghost to reveal the fates of Scrooge and his loved ones, readers can guess from the second he shows up in the story,

PJ Lynch’s Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

THE Phantom slowly, gravely, silently approached. When it came
near him, Scrooge bent down upon his knee; for in the very air
through which this Spirit moved it seemed to scatter gloom and
mystery.
It was shrouded in a deep black garment, which concealed its
head, its face, its form, and left nothing of it visible save one
outstretched hand. But for this it would have been difficult to detach
its figure from the night, and separate it from the darkness by which it
was surrounded.
He felt that it was tall and stately when it came beside him, and
that its mysterious presence filled him with a solemn dread. He knew
no more, for the Spirit neither spoke nor moved.
“I am in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come?”
said Scrooge.
The Spirit answered not, but pointed onward with its hand.
“You are about to show me shadows of the things that have not
happened, but will happen in the time before us,” Scrooge pursued.
“Is that so, Spirit?”
The upper portion of the garment was contracted for an instant in
its folds, as if the Spirit had inclined its head. That was the only
answer he received.

This concludes Dickens Sundays in December. Until next Christmas! Be safe out there!