As Cemetery Appreciation month comes to a close, this is the last weekend to enjoy spring flowers peeking out between the tombstones, but don’t worry, you can still enjoy these scary movies featuring the scariest cryptkeepers, creepy coroners, grave diggers, and murderous morticians all year round!
12. Coroners Tommy and Austin from Autopsy of Jane Doe, 2016
Not all coroners in horror movies are bad people. Some just don’t know when to stop poking around in someone else’s cursed business, despite clear warnings to do so.
11. Ernie from Return of the Living Dead, 1985
Say what you want about Burt’s long-standing pal Ernie’s willingness to help destroy evidence that he started the zombie apocalypse, but any BFF willing to help you shoot the rabid weasels first instead of burning them alive in his crematorium and then fight off brain-eating zombies is a keeper!
10. Francesco Dellamorte from Cemetery Man, 1994
Fighting zombies and searching for love is full-time job for a Cemetery man with few friends. Between the stress of the job and losing the new love of his life, reality starts to slip for this lonely grave warden, who turns his attention to killing town locals instead.
9. Raymond of The Mortuary Assistant, 2025
Honestly, I haven’t finished this one yet, but setting up your morgue assistant to spend the rest of their life fighting demons is a pretty shitty thing to do, not to mention all the labor laws that were broken!
8. Leslie of Mortuary, 2005
By the time unsuspecting Leslie moves her family across the nation to take over as doomed mortician in a small town mortuary with cursed past history, the property had already been overrun by demonic forces. Poor lady had no chance, but there was no reason to torture her by showing off her lack of culinary skills.
7. Cryptkeeper from Tales of the Crypt, 1972
Dull but mysterious, this 1970s British very much alive Cryptkeeper helped a group of strangers get lost in the catacombs and showed them creepy visions of theirs death, only for them to figure out, they’re already home.
6. The Coroner from Play Dead, 2022
Word of advice, if you aren’t dead yet, don’t pretend to be so and get yourself locked up in the morgue. These places are a lot more secure than they look and besides, it’s not the dead who will be after you.
5. Montgomery Dark & Sam from The Mortuary Collection, 2019
Cunning Montgomery Dark is the second mortician on the list to post a help wanted sign in the window looking for a replacement. He weaved a web of spooky tales to ensnare his new protégé, but sinister Sam has a few secrets of her own.
4. Mortician William “JB” Bludworth from Final Destination series
Mysterious and a tad bit nilihilistic, Mr. Bludworth knows death, personally, but what he knows better than anyone is that there is no escaping death’s plan. Death always finds a way.
3. Mr. Simms, Tales from the Hood, 1995
Three hoodlums find out the hard way that death ain’t not joke, when a creepy funeral owner leads them through the parlor and down to the caskets to retrieve their cursed contraband, but the patiently sinister Mr. Simms as it turns out, has been waiting for them for a very long time.
2. The Tall Man from Phantasm, 1979
Honestly, the Tall Man is the scariest cryptkeeper on this list, a once mild-mannered mortician has morphed into the one of horror’s most sinister inter-dimensional time-traveling supervillains, with his wicked flying spheres that cause violent death and destruction and creepy little minions to do his bidding. The Tall man is on a neverending quest to become the Lord of the Dead and this geriatric creep will stop at nothing to achieve his goals. Men, women, children, he’s out to collect the souls of every living creature on the planet and then some. With the ability to command legions of Hell’s undead, Death should just move over and give The Tall Man the title.
1. Cryptkeeper from Demon Knight, Bordello of Blood and Tales of the Crypt series, 1980-1990s
Across 93 episodes and two feature horror films, this legendary wisecracking teller of terrors is no mere narrator, he’s our demon guide through the depths of hell and is more than happy to show what death has in store for us. Based off the long-standing EC comics from the 1950s with same name, there is no smarter, spookier and funnier horror host than the Cryptkeeper. His wit and charm edged out the Tall Man to be named best of our list, but don’t think that means the Cryptkeeper isn’t a scary dude. With untold supernatural powers of his own, this undead ghoul has the ability to cause mortal danger to any boils and ghouls who haven’t learned their moral lesson. Be kind and respectful of your fellow humans and the undead or you will spend an eternity in agonizing pain and misery.
Halloween Horror Haiku 